


Makes Me Feel Like I Can't Live Without You

by RonnieIByrne



Category: Anne of Green Gables - L. M. Montgomery, Anne with an E (TV)
Genre: F/M, Gilbert and Anne get less dumb but it takes a while, Just an idea that came to me, Major character death - Freeform, Matthew dies, Post 3x09, Sorry guys, also in this house we Stan Lesbian Winnie, and female friendships no Winnie hate in my house, depressing fix it, my first fic on ao3, no shell either, super sad, totally not what I think will actually happen, we were all clowns thinking this episode wouldn't be heartbreaking in shirbert land, where's the pen? totally forgot about it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-19
Updated: 2019-11-19
Packaged: 2021-02-13 03:42:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21487771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RonnieIByrne/pseuds/RonnieIByrne
Summary: Gilberts eyes never left hers. She found she couldn’t look away. He looked so pained, so troubled that all she wanted was to reach for him and comfort him.But all she could do was stare as an uneasy feeling washed over her. Slowly, she stepped around Cole, whispering softly.“Gilbert, what is it?”“Anne... Anne I’m so sorry...” he whispered. Tears started to fall down his face. “Matthew h-he...”Anne’s hand flew to her stomach as it dropped.-When Matthew Cuthbert dies of a sudden heart attack, Gilbert drops his new life in Charlottetown to be there for Anne, and learns a lesson in pretending.
Relationships: Diana Barry & Anne Shirley, Gilbert Blythe & Anne Shirley, Gilbert Blythe & Sebastian "Bash" Lacroix, Gilbert Blythe/Anne Shirley, Marilla Cuthbert & Anne Shirley
Comments: 10
Kudos: 240





	Makes Me Feel Like I Can't Live Without You

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! So this is my first ever fic to be published on ao3, I have a few really old and very bad ones on ff.net that I'd rather pretend didn't exist. 
> 
> This is the first thing I've finished in a very long time, and I did it in around 24 hours because the idea wouldn't leave my brain. It's definitely not how I imagine it happening, I sincerely don't think Gilbert will propose to Winifred (watch me get clowned LOL), but the idea of him halting his life for Anne is something I see as very in character. 
> 
> I definitely gloss over a lot of things, there's not nearly enough Marilla and Anne interactions dealing with Matthew's passing and that's because I didn't want to make an entire story out of this, so it's primarily based around Shirbert, but just know that I imagine it there, the two of them comforting each other. 
> 
> This was edited by me so forgive me for any weird sentences and mistakes, and the probably 3 different ways my phone decided to autocorrect Winnie's full name. 
> 
> Special thanks to starlight-fires on Tumblr for always being there for me while writing and her amazing play by play commentary. This is for you.
> 
> Title of the fic comes from Stay written by Mikky Ekko and Justin Parker (for this fic, it's specifically the version performed by Tyler Hilton).
> 
> See end notes for fic playlist!

“Bash?” Gilbert looked confused at his friend and stood up from his drink with Mr. Rose to come and embrace him. “What are you doing here?” 

Gilbert had been in Charlottetown for just over a month now, ever since Winnie had accepted his proposal. The wedding was to be held at the Rose’s residence and her parents insisted he be there for the preparations. Mostly, he just agreed with everything they said, walking around like a ghost who didn’t belong. 

Bash showing up there was a surprise. But the look on his face was solemn. “Gilbert...”

The grave tone stopped him in his tracks. He knew that tone. It had been used when addressing him enough. Apologetic, depressed and desolate. 

He could only croak out one word. “Who?” 

“Matthew Cuthbert.”

The wind felt like it was being knocked out of him. He gripped the crown moulding of the wall, the sharp edges digging into the palm of his hand. His head swam. Matthew, the man who’d been a father to him since his own had passed away. The kindest, sweetest, most pure hearted soul he’d ever known. He’d willingly handed over cuff links to him, ones he was wearing right now. He was so kind and accepting, he and Marilla had opened their home to a stranger he came to consider a daughter-

“Anne,” he gasped out. “What about Anne?” He demanded, the thought of her cleared his head, at least for the time being. Depressed, all consuming thoughts replaced by overwhelming thoughts of the girl who broke his heart, but who’d now lost her father. 

Bash swallowed. “She’s here in Charlottetown with Miss Barry visiting a friend. I’m here to...” Bash’s words turned shallow, “Collect her.”

“Does she... Does she know?” He asked helplessly. 

“No. Not yet. Marilla didn’t want to send it in a letter, and she wanted her home right away.” Bash levelled his eyes with him. “You should come with me. She should hear it from you.” 

Gilbert shook his head. “No, I’m not-“

“You need to be the one to tell her, Blythe,” he said softly. He rested his hands on Gilberts shoulders. Gilbert closed his eyes, breathing deeply before he nodded. 

He turned back to Mr. Rose who looked concerned and bewildered. “I’m sorry. Please tell Winifred when she and Mrs. Rose return that I’ll send word when I can. My family needs me right now.”  
~~~  
Anne was sitting in the parlor with Diana and Cole, laughing about gossip from Avonlea. Her two friends were tactful enough to leave out any story about Gilbert, and for that she was thankful. After pouring her heart out into that note only for him to disregard it felt like a blow to the chest. She was getting better though, and it helped that he was keeping his distance from Avonlea. She had yet to come up with an excuse not to go to his wedding come November, but she was sure she’d think of something eventually. She knew she’d never be able to bear sitting in the church while he and Winnifred rose pledged their love to each other. 

In all her imaginations, she never predicted that a tragical romance would hurt this much. 

Cole was recounting a lovely story of a boy he’d met in art school. He was quite gone over him. Anne smiled at the happiness in her friends eyes, pleased that he was able to be himself here in Charlottetown but secretly wishing she could see him more. 

Thinking of him in Charlottetown reminded her of who was also now living here. 

“Anne?” 

Anne looked over when Diana's hand fell on her arm. 

“Anne are you alright?” Her question was paired with a knowing glance. 

Anne swallowed and nodded slightly. “Yes. I am. Or I shall be, sometime soon I hope.”

They smiled at her, extending their hands and placing them on hers. She squeezed them tightly, hoping they knew how much their love meant to her. 

Rollings appeared in the entryway. “Miss Anne, there are two gentlemen here to see you. They say it is urgent.” 

She looked confused but followed him around the corner before she caught sight of who it was, and abruptly stopped. 

“Gilbert. Bash.” She found she couldn’t articulate much more than that. Bash was dressed as if he had taken only one minute to get dressed in the morning, and Gilbert had unshed tears in his eyes. 

Diana appeared beside her with Cole, and Anne looked over to see her glare in Gilberts direction, but smile at Bash. 

“To what do we owe the pleasure, gentlemen?” Cole said coming to stand slightly in front of Anne, almost like protection. 

Gilberts eyes never left hers. She found she couldn’t look away. He looked so pained, so troubled that all she wanted was to reach for him and comfort him. 

But all she could do was stare as an uneasy feeling washed over her. Slowly, she stepped around Cole, whispering softly. 

“Gilbert, what is it?” 

“Anne... Anne I’m so sorry...” he whispered. Tears started to fall down his face. “Matthew h-he...” 

Anne’s hand flew to her stomach as it dropped. She heard Diana gasp before her brain fogged and she started to feel faint.

Her eyes never left Gilberts as her mind ceased to work. He kept talking, but she didn’t hear what he was saying and she didn’t need to. It was written all over his face. 

Her head swam, her ears muted. She felt her knees buckle and it was only a second before Gilbert reached toward her and she was crumpled in his arms.  
~~~

Time had stopped. She remembers Gilberts arms around her in the parlour of Aunt Jo’s, on the carriage ride to the station, and the whole way back on the train back to Avonlea. She didn’t know if it was because he hadn’t let go of her, or because she wouldn’t let him. She couldn’t find the strength to care. 

Sitting in the kitchen back at Green Gables, she felt a knot in her stomach start to form, tightening and tightening until it started to feel like steel cords running up and squeezing at her heart.

The funeral was over. The house was silent for now. Marilla had went up to bed, making Anne promise to head there soon as well, but she never managed to make it from the bench. She just sat there, staring at a cup of tea that Diana had put in front of her after dinner. 

How long ago was that? Anne looked over at the candle burning, then outside. It was dark now. The moon was at its peak. 

“Anne?” 

She looked over at the stairs, startled. Gilbert stood there, still dressed from the day just without his suit jacket on. She blinked at him, trying to focus. 

“Anne, you need to sleep. You’ve been up for over a day now.” 

Had she? When was the last time she remembered sleeping? She thought it must’ve been the day Rachel Lynde had come over to clean and cook. She’d made the excuse to nap to get out of listening to her nervous ramblings and well intended comments about “Gods plan”. She hadn’t gone upstairs intending to nap but she remembered Diana waking her up later when the sun had gone down. 

That had been two nights ago. She couldn’t keep track of her days anymore. Matthew had always started each day with a “Good Monday” or a “Happy Thursday” just for her. Without that, it seems that Anne had forgotten what the days even were. 

She stared at the spot across from her where he’d always sit at dinner, listening to her excited, silly ramblings about school, new ideas, or her stories. He’d never thought they were silly ramblings. He’d always listened, rarely commenting but sending her a smile anyways. 

Her head started swimming again, and it was like she could see spots. Was she even breathing right now? She wasn’t sure she even remembered how to properly do that. 

It wasn’t until she felt the tears fall down her cheeks did she realise she was crying for the first time. Why now? Why not when Gilbert had told her or on the train, or at the funeral for Christ’s sake? Why did she have to cry now? Why was Green Gables now bathed in broken tears of sorrow?

She wiped them from her cheeks furiously and stood. 

“Anne?” 

She’d forgotten he was there. And suddenly, she was angry with him. Why was he here? Why hadn’t he left yet? Wasn’t his fiancée expecting him? He’d spent every night here at Green Gables since they’d returned. Why? Wasn’t he supposed to be forgetting she existed, casting her away like he had her note all those weeks ago? 

She tried to swallow down the shout threatening to erupt from her throat and turned away from him and walked out the back door. She heard him following and broke out in a run. 

“Anne!”

She ran as fast as she could, as fast as her legs would carry her. She didn’t know how long she did, all she knew was that she was in the middle of the woods when she tripped and her legs gave out. She fell to the ground, crying.

It was only seconds after that strong, familiar arms pulled her into a warm embrace, and all the anger she felt for him vanished. 

She clung to him, sobbing the horrible, gasping tears that she’d been forcing at bay for days. He sat there, against a tree, holding her and whispering kind words to her. 

“Anne, it’ll be okay, I’m right here. It’ll be alright.” 

When the tears subsided, and his voice became a soft lullaby, she still held onto him until she fell asleep there, in the forest, in the arms of Gilbert Blythe. 

~~  
“When are you going back to Charlottetown?” Bash asked him the next morning. The sun had almost come up when Anne had lulled to sleep in his arms in the forest, and she didn’t wake the entire time it took him to carry her back. By the time he’d gotten her safely in bed, the sun was shining and he was sure she’d sleep the day away. Satisfied she wouldn’t miss him, he went home to get a few things and talk with Bash. 

“I sent Winifred a letter yesterday. I asked her for a fortnight. I-I’m.. I'm needed here.” Gilbert avoided the stare Bash gave him. Ever since he’d come back from his proposal, Bash had been dropping hints he was making a mistake. Gilbert tried to pretend he didn’t hear him. 

But he wasn’t stupid. He knew how putting off his fiancée for another girl looked. But this was different. Anne needed him. When Mary had passed, the Cuthberts had all rallied to help him and Bash, and they’d kept their efforts up ever since. Even when he’d lost his father, Anne had tried to help, in her own way. He needed to repay that. 

He silenced the voice in the back of his head telling him it was more than just repayment. 

“Gilbert.” 

He looked over at Bash who was giving him a soft, but a stern look. He only ever called him Gilbert when he wanted him to take what he would say seriously. 

“It's a dangerous game you’re playing here.” Gilbert swallowed the lump in his throat. “Not just for you and Winifred, but for Anne as well. She can’t take more heartbreak, especially not from you-“

Gilbert shook his head furiously. “She doesn’t care for me that way, Bash-“

“If you truly believe that you’re more of a moke than I thought.” He came around to put his hands on his shoulders. “Don’t go marrying someone who you’d drop any moment another woman needed you. Don’t go marrying someone when you love another.”

Gilbert blinked, remembering Mary’s words to him. 

Marry for love. Only for love. 

His heart fell from his chest. 

He needed to see Winifred.  
~~~

Anne tried not to take it to heart when it was a week and she had yet to see Gilbert again, and she didn’t question Bash about his whereabouts when he came over every day with food made by his mother. She knew he must’ve went back to Charlottetown, but she couldn’t help but feel hurt he’d left without saying goodbye or even telling her he’d planned on returning, even though she knew it was inevitable. It felt almost like it had after the note incident. Gone, with no word or explanation. 

On the seventh day after her breakdown with Gilbert in the woods, she was outside in the garden, picking vegetables with Diana and Marilla.

Diana had been quietly humming, and with the breeze in the air, she could close her eyes and for the first time feel a little at peace, at least when she managed to forget about her thoughts surrounding Gilbert. It was the first time Marilla had left the house so far. 

When they had enough for dinner, they ventured back into the house. The last through the door, Anne stopped suddenly at the sight of Gilbert standing there, already chopping carrots. He looked up and gave her a soft smile.

She had to blink at him. Marilla goes around him, as if this is normal. It had been for a little while but he’s been gone for as long as he’d taken to get her used to his presence. And here he is in her kitchen again, as if he’d never left. 

“Anne? Are you alright?” Diana says, snapping her out of her thoughts. She has a terribly small knowing smile on her face. 

“Yes, I’m alright.” 

She can’t tell if it’s a lie or not.

~~~  
It’s not for another 3 weeks of wondering what happened that week when she learns he’d called off his own wedding. 

She had never asked, never wanting to know the answer. For a while she’d expected to find Winnie coming to Avonlea, but that never happened. And for all Gilbert would talk to her about Dr. Ward on his visits to Green Gables, he never mentioned the Rose’s, and Anne, carefully trying to avoid conversations that might cause her more heartbreak, never asked about them. 

She had learned it in passing the first time she’d come into town, purely by overhearing other people’s conversations. For a while there, if they needed anything, Diana, Gilbert or Bash would go in. But Anne had decided one day, when Marilla was busy with Rachel sewing, that she would go. They needed sugar, flour, and if she could manage it, she wanted to get some kind of spice for a cake. Bash’s birthday was coming up, and Hazel has mentioned the last time she’d seen her that she’d make a cake for him if she had the stuff for it. Hazel had been a wonderful help, mostly from afar and in the form of food, and Anne wanted to thank her. 

Most people didn’t pay her much mind when she made it into town. She saw a few school friends who’d given their condolences, and Anne surprised herself by remaining collected. She was looking around the shop when she heard Mrs. Pye and the shopkeeper's wife talking. 

“Well I heard the Rose’s are mighty upset over the whole deal. They spent a month planning that wedding and he shows up and tells them he can’t go through with it,” Mrs. Pye was saying. “The boy has created a huge scandal and he’s pretending it never even happened.”

“Miranda was telling me she’d stayed with her husband's aunt while in town, Josephine Barry. That boy from town that she took in sat with him on the train back and I guess offered him lodging while he got his affairs in order before returning,” the wife replied conspiratorially. “Mr. Rose wanted to try and get him to pay for part of what they’d already fleshed out on the grand spectable. He didn’t succeed, but can you imagine? Gilbert Blythe would’ve been ruined!”

Mrs. Pye sighed. “I don’t know what that boy has gotten in his head. Running off on a steamer for a year and meeting that... foreigner sure got his head all messed up.” 

Anne tried not to snap at them. Some people wouldn’t ever warm up to Bash, despite how loving he was. 

“Mrs. Rose told Tessie that he ran off as soon as he heard about Matthew. Went to the Barry’s, where Diana and Anne were staying, and told the girl herself!” Mrs. Pye gasped and Anne frowned. What was so wrong about that? Gilbert and her were... Well friends was a tentative word but they were something close to it. “And then he stayed at Green Gables with her for an entire week before going back to break off his engagement. And now I hear he’s over there just about everyday.”

“He’d have to be a fool to turn down someone has high class as a Rose for a homely orphan girl with nothing to offer.” 

She thought about what she heard for days. She went about her life as best she could, but she couldn’t get the comments of the two women out of her head. 

Gilbert had left to end his relationship with Winnie, nearly destroying his finances and apparently ruining his reputation. Cole had him stay at Aunt Jo’s, but he’d never mentioned that in the letters she’s gotten from him since. Apparently, people were under the impression that it was all for her. 

He’d never go to the Sorbonne now. Not without the money the Rose’s had planned to use to send him. His dreams, everything he’d worked for, everything he’d wanted, was gone. 

~~  
Gilbert carried the wood into the house and put the axe up. The last few days had been progress at Green Gables, enough that Diana and him had agreed to give them a day alone, but he worried about Anne. Somehow he thought he’d always be worrying about her. 

Mr. Rose had finally agreed to stop trying to force payment out of him. Gilbert had from the beginning offered to pay for part of the wedding, but he had always turned him down. It wasn’t his fault. 

“Here you go, Mr. Blythe,” Hazel said, setting down a plate of food in front of him. 

“Thank you, Mrs. Lacroix,” he replied with a smile. She squinted at him but said nothing. It was what he thought was a running joke between them. When she insisted on addressing him so formally he insisted right back. He had a feeling that it made her a little more comfortable and anything he could do to help her adjust in Avonlea he was willing to do. 

He was scarcely halfway through his meal when there was furious knocking at the front door. Hazel was already moving toward it before he could get up. 

The moment the door opened, Anne was through it and looking around. 

“I’m ever so sorry Mrs. Lacroix but is Gilbert here, I really need to speak with him-“ 

He stood and came around the corner. “Anne, is everything alright?” He asked alarmed. Her hair was a mess and she was breathing heavy despite the fact that he could see Belle tied to the post outside. 

“I need to speak with you. Now.” 

He led her to the orchard outside, knowing it was probably the most private place they’d get now. 

Anne had her arms crossed and a queer look on her face, and she appeared to be trying to loon anywhere but at him. He had strange and if deja vu from when they first met each other. He subconsciously rubbed the spot where her slate had hit his head. 

“Anne... Are you going to tell me what’s going on?” 

“Are you going to explain why you never mentioned you’d called off your own wedding?” she snapped. 

That stopped him in his tracks. 

“I... I didn’t know how I was supposed to tell you, how I was meant to drop it into conversation. And you were grieving. You’d lost Matthew and a week later I had done it, it wasn’t the right time-“

“What about all the time after that? Gilbert is been a month why haven’t you mentioned it?” She sounded so uncharacteristically vulnerable. “Did you think I would jump on you the second I found out? We’re you really so afraid to tell me?” 

Jump on him? What did she mean by that? Afraid?

“Afraid? God no, Anne, there were more important things than my failed fake engagement-“ 

“Fake?!” She yelled. “It wasn’t even real? After you read my note, where I poured my heart out to you, you went and pretended to be engaged just to get away from me?”

Note? What?

He stepped toward her and pulled on her hands to bring her closer to him. “Get away from you? Anne I don’t ever want to get away from you where’d you get an idea like that-“ He paused. “Note? What note?”

Anne’s face fell from anger into confusion, but she was still shaking. “I... Back just after the bonfire, the next day I went to see you.” He watched in amazement as her cheeks flushed. “Mrs. Lacroix said you were out, and I found out later you’d gone to the Barry’s, but anyway I left a note. I wanted you to hear how I felt before you left for Charlottetown. When I came back from the residential school Marilla told me you’d decided to propose to Winnie after all-“

“And you thought I’d read the letter...” 

She nodded, then looked out over the orchard, tears coming from her eyes slowly. “I was incensed that you’d disregard it. I came to talk to you, again, but Bash said you’d left that morning...” 

Gilbert blinked. And he cocked his head. His eyebrows furrowed as he studied the girl in front of him. 

“Anne... Anne what did the letter say?” he whispered. She made no movement to answer him, so he cupped her face and turned it back to look at him. “Please, tell me...” 

Her eyes were vulnerable but her face was determined and strong. “It said that I love you.”

He stared into her eyes for a very long time. He didn’t know what to say. It was like the last period of his life had been a whole lie. 

“I broke off the engagement because it wasn’t fair to Winnie that I was in love with someone else,” he whispered. Her hand came up to grip his arm like she was using it as a steadying post, but the deep blue sea of her eyes never left his. “And I couldn’t lie anymore. That’s why I said it was fake. I was pretending I could move on.”

He felt that she understood, but she asked for clarity anyway. 

“Move on from who?” 

Gilbert noticed they were slowly closing the distance between each other. He uttered one last syllable before he claimed her lips on his own. 

“You.” 

~~  
In the aftermath of their huge misunderstanding, they decided they would court for now. Neither one felt ready to be engaged or married, but they admitted they loved each other. It was enough for now. It allowed them a precious few weeks to be nothing more than teenagers, enjoying time with friends before going out into the world. 

One summer day they spent together, Gilbert explained how things had turned out with the Rose’s. 

“Winnifred was understanding, her parents... Not so much,” he said softly. They were under a tree along the perimeter of Green Gables. It had gotten hot towards the end of August, and they were picnicking in the shade. Despite the heat, they couldn’t manage to keep their hands off each other. She was sitting between his legs, back resting against his front and his arms were around her, his head resting on hers. Anne hadn’t felt so at home since before Matthew died. 

“What did Winnifred say?” she asked softly. 

“She laughed a little, actually, as I stumbled on my reasoning. I didn’t want to tell her point blank that I didn’t love her and didn’t think I ever could, and in fact had been pretending not to already be in love, but she said she saw right through me.” He chuckled. “I didn’t even have to say your name.”

“She knew?” Anne tilted her head to look at him. “She knew it was me.” 

“She actually told me she expected me never to have proposed to begin with and was surprised when I had. She said she saw at the fair how attached we were to each other.” He absentmindedly played with the ends of her hair. No matter how many times he told her how beautiful it was to him, Anne would never understand his fixation with it. 

“Why’d she accept if she was so sure we were in love?” Anne asked with a frown. 

“The Sorbonne. Winnie has always wanted to be a doctor. But her father won’t ever pay for it. The closest she’d get to studying at the most prestigious medical school in the world would be-”

“Would be marrying someone who could...” Anne finished with a sigh. “To be derailed but the people who should support you most...” she said incredously, with a scoff and a shake of her head.

“I know. I never imagined hearing that. When I met her parents at the fair, I never expected that they’d be so close minded...” 

A silence fell. Anne smiled a little.

“It was then that I realised I might have more than platonic feelings for you, at the fair I mean. After that barn dance I struggled with it for days. Diana had to almost spell it out for me.” They laughed together. “I had wanted to say something to you, but I saw you with her, and I lost my courage,” she admitted sheepishly. 

He kisses her forehead and squeezed her tighter. “I would’ve kissed you in the middle of everyone if you had done that. Proper behaviour be damned-”

Anne shook with mirth. “Can you imagine? The scandal that would’ve created! It’s probably a good idea I didn’t then, huh?” 

He laughed along to. “Probably. I can hear Rachel Lynde scolding us now about impropriety-“

“She does that now, Gil,” Anne said with a laugh. 

“I don’t care,” he declared defiantly, that beautiful smirk she loved on his face. “I don’t count it as a good day unless I’m being lectured at least three times by Rachel Lynde for inappropriate displays of affection with you.” 

Anne flushed, she was sure he could see it all over her face and her neck. He leaned down and kissed her sweetly, lovingly, softly. Anne thought she would have melted right there, the cause having nothing to do with the heat of the summer. 

She pulled away before it could go very far, not wanting to get caught by Marilla lest she poke her head outside. And for all he joked about not caring what Rachel thought, she knew they both found the scolding tiring most days. 

She ran her hands through the curls atop his head. “I love you,” she whispers softly. 

“I love you, Anne Shirley Cuthbert,” he replies, and it sounded like a prayer.

~~~  
A few weeks later, their class left for Queens together. 

Anne was hesitant to leave Marilla on the farm by herself, but Rachel reassured her that she’d be there to check on her. Jerry and his little brother, who he was training as a new farm hand, had the farm handled to Anne’s satisfaction. Bash promised to be there in case any trouble stumbled upon her. 

Marilla told her to chase her dreams. 

“It’s all Matthew ever wanted for you. Don’t sully his memory by disregarding his last wishes.”

Diana had gracefully passed her exams. When her parents had thrown a fit over her demanding to be allowed to go to Queens, Aunt Jo had threatened to refuse them any more money. They had no choice but to relent. She would be studying music. 

Josie Pye has been putting off her parents suitors and used the possibility of meeting more to cajole them into sending her to Queens. Prissy Andrews had inspired her, and so did Anne. She was trying to decide between Law and Business. 

Ruby and Moody stayed behind in Avonlea, and Anne thought she wouldn't be surprised to find a wedding invitation in the mail soon. No doubt her and Diana would be expected to be apart of the wedding party. 

Gilbert was coming, much to her delight. He’d decided like Anne to get his teaching license. He’d met with Miss Stacy’s friend Dr. Emily Oak and heard about an incredible school in Toronto, one that he could work toward by getting teaching for a few years and saving up. He and Anne would finish the program in a year instead of two. 

Queens would be quite an adventure for all them. 

She and Diana would be staying at Aunt Jo’s. It would be a bit of ride into town but they would be comfortable, and Anne would get to see Cole more often. 

Anne had to laugh when Gilbert tried to pretend not to be jealous. It took a conversation with Cole during a trip to drop off some things for him to understand why he shouldn’t be. 

She knew Gilbert was never a bad person, and he’d always been opened minded when it came to the world and everyone’s perceptions, but she had been truly surprised to find barely any reaction from him. He just widened his eyes, muttered something about not realising, before shaking Coles hand. She found out later that a few of the men on the steam ship he and Bash had been on had confessed to being the same. He said it cost them reputations and therefore jobs, leaving them to find places that would take anyone. He sounded offended on their behalf, and it made Anne love him even more.

Aunt Jo had offered Gilbert board in her home as well, but Marilla hadn’t been comfortable allowing him and Anne to live so close to each other so he decided to stay with Dr. Ward. It would help him to be close enough to shadow on days he wasn’t at school and continue his training. 

Much to Anne’s surprise, Winnifred had shown up at Aunt Jo’s the day after they arrived in Charlottetown with a pot full of wildflowers.

“I asked Gilbert the other day at Dr. Wards where you were staying. I hoped to be able to talk?”

She sounded so sincere, so careful and hopeful, Anne let her in. She led her to the parlour and sat down with her. 

“I wanted to come and reassure you myself that I don’t feel anything for Gilbert. I didn’t know if us working together would be a problem for you, and I wanted to explain why it wouldn’t be,” she said with a business like tone and small smile. 

“You needn’t explain anything, Miss Rose-“

“Winnie, please,” she said. “Our lives have intertwined enough over the last half year I think formalities are pointless.”

Anne had to laugh, finding truth there. “Winnie then. You don’t have to explain anything. I trust him, wholeheartedly. And he explained why you had wanted to marry him. It’s infuriating you aren’t permitted to study in your own right to become a doctor.”

Winnie smiled sadly. “I thank you for your sympathy. It is a battle I’ve been fighting with my father since I finished school. Among other ones...”

“What other ones?” Anne asked with a creased eyebrow. Winnie looked up shocked and a little white. Anne reaches out her hand and took it in her own. “Winnie you can tell me.” 

“He’s been trying to... Find me suitors. And I keep rejecting them. He wants me to marry but I don’t know if I want that for myself. It’s never felt like something I desired, being married to a man...” Winnie looked down at her hands. 

Anne’s eyes widened. She thought of Cole and Aunt Jo. “Is your issue being married or is it men in general?”

Her head snapped up so fast, Anne was sure she could’ve gotten whiplash. She gave the older girl an encouraging smile and a tight squeeze of the hand. 

“Winnie, in this house it’s alright,” she whispered bracingly. “It’s okay.”

Winnie looked relieved enough to cry, but said nothing. She squeezed Anne’s hand back and wiped her eyes. 

She stayed for a while longer, Anne having gone to get Aunt Jo to speak with her. By the end of their conversation, Winnie had light back in her eyes and swift determination. 

Gilbert had come as she was leaving and she gave him a warm hug and thanked him for keeping her secret. He smiled at her fondly and said it not only was the least thing he could do but it was what friends did for each other. She left after giving another hug to Anne, to which Anne gave back softly.

In the garden, Anne took his arm. “Every day I think I can’t fall more in love with you, and yet you surprise me each and every time it seems.”

He looked over with a confused but amused smile, his dimple only subtly visible. “What do you mean by that?”

“Keeping Winifreds confidences. You could’ve told me that to assure me there wouldn’t be any problems working with her, and you didn’t. It’s awfully decent of you,” she said with a soft kiss on his cheek. 

“You never told me about Cole. It is decent, it’s common decency the rest of the world has yet to figure out.”

“Ahead by a century, we are,” she whispered, leaning her head on his shoulder. 

“Perhaps even more...”

~~~  
And Marilla, how I do miss you so. It’s been weeks since Christmas and I desire to see you and Green Gables reverently so. In a fit of nostalgia, Diana played Dashing White Sargent at Aunt Jo’s soirée, and I felt like Rachel teaching all of those city folk a simple country barn dance. Can you imagine that, Marilla? Dancing with Gilbert made me long for the rolling hills and wide fields of Avonlea. Easter cannot come soon enough. 

All of my love,  
Anne

Marilla smiled at the letter from her daughter. Embellished with grand language describing a wistful missing of a simpler town was so very much like Anne that it made her chuckle. 

It had been four years now since Matthew passed. Anne, Gilbert, and Diana had taken a weekend to visit from Kingsport to Josephine Barry in Charlottetown for her annual soirée. Based on her letters, Marilla reckoned the girl needed a break from studies at Redmond. 

Anne and Gilbert had returned to Avonlea for a time after getting their teaching licenses after one year. Anne had taken the post here in Avonlea for two years, and Gilbert took the white sands post. It was wonderful to have them around for a while before they headed to Kingsport. 

Marilla managed around the house. Rachel’s husband had died the second year Anne was teaching in Avonlea. Soon after she sold her house and came to stay with Marilla at Green Gables. The company helped Marilla after Anne had left again. 

“Hello hello ladies!” A jubilant voice sounded outside. Marilla turned towards the door to smile at Bash and his mother as they came in, little Delphine bursting around her father to run and jump into Marillas arms and hug her. 

“There’s my sweet girl!” She said with a warm smile. 

“Auntie Rilla look look what I made! I did it just like Auntie Anne showed me!” 

Marina smiled at the girl, sprouting a slightly misshapen flower crown on her head. She teared up a bit, the image of Mary wearing a hat with the same sort of flowers in the gardens at the Barry’s home... 

“Why look at you, a right fairy queen aren’t you?” Rachel called from the doorway, a smile gracing her aging face. The biggest change since she’d come to stay with Marilla was her attitude towards others with different coloured skin than her. The acceptance from Rachel Lynde was palpable. In the years since, she’d become an avid ally for the indigenious folk on the Island, helping rally support for the end of the residential schools. They hadn’t managed it yet. 

Delphine grinned at her and made to say something before another person came through the door. 

“Why Gilbert Blythe what on Earth are you doing here?” Marilla exclaimed, before bustling over to pull the young man into a hug. 

“I was hoping to talk with you?” he replied with a shaky laugh and thin smile. If she didn’t know any better, she might say he was a little pale. 

Marilla tried not to smile at the nervousness the young Blythe boy was spreading throughout the room. She didn’t need to be a mind reader to know what he had come to ask. 

She looked back at Rachel who was already serving dinner. 

“You two go on and talk, Mrs. Lynde and I have this supper handled,” Hazel said and nodded towards the sitting room. Marilla gave her a smile and lead him there. 

“Miss Cuthbert you know I love Anne with all of my heart-“ 

Marilla pursed her lips and mustered the best no nonsense voice she could manage. “Now there will be none of that Miss Cuthbert nonsense. Marilla will do just fine.” 

Gilbert swallowed and nodded. 

He gave a proper speech, confident and sure, and it made Marilla smile. He looked so much like his father. 

“Gilbert, of course you have my blessing,” she said with a fond smile and a pat to his cheek. “You’re all Matthew and I ever wanted for her. We couldn’t have asked for anyone more. I have complete faith you’ll take care of her.” 

He stood and gave her a large, tight hug that Marilla returned with a pet of his hair. Sometimes she wondered if she could love the boy more if he was her own son. 

She pulled away and smiled at him. “Come on, dinner awaits us.” 

~~~

Gilbert was nervous, more nervous than the time he proposed to Winnie. He paced in his room, muttering to himself, trying to think of how he was going to say this. 

“You’ll wear a hole into the floor actin like that, Blythe,” Bash said from the doorway. “Why are you all nervous anyway? Like Anne will turn you down.”

Gilbert sent him a withering glance which Bash only laughed at. He was right though, Gilbert knew he wouldn’t get rejected, at least not logically. They’d talked about engagement for a few years now. When they’d been teaching he’d almost done it, but they were living mostly in separate towns. Now they were at Redmond together, and he’d found somewhere that would allow married couples to board. He’d been in talks with a doctor in Toronto and Anne herself had said if they married, she’d follow him to medical school and find a teaching job wherever they went. It was perfect. 

He took a deep breath and pictured her in his mind. It was almost enough to calm him.

When a knock came to the Blythe house door, Gilbert rushed to answer it. Anne was standing there with her picnic basket and a smile. The spring had warmed up enough that they could spend time out in the orchard while they visited for Easter. 

“Ready?” She asked. 

At the sound of her voice, he smiled and nodded. He was finally soothed. “Ready.”

They sat in the orchard. Anne talked and talked of everything she could. Gilbert listened to her describe some of her classes at Redmond, an unruly professor who looked down on female writers, and a letter she’d gotten from Winnie in Paris. 

“She said she met this beautiful nurse over there, she’s quite happy. It’s all very high class though, higher than she is and she's trying to adjust,” Anne looked smug. “She’s top of her class. Her father is eating his words.”

Gilbert grinned. “Of course he is. Winnifred Rose is a force to be reckoned with. She’s almost as formidable as Anne Shirley Cuthbert.”

Anne laughed. “I don’t know about that.” 

“I do, and so does the side of my head, Carrots.” He reaches over and pulled gently on the solitary braid her hair was in. She’d taken to just one off to the side most days, saying it was probably time for a more grown up look about her. He told her he always loved her braids, that they were a marker of her identity that he loved so much, to which she only responded with a scoff and mutter of “flirt.” 

She attempted to look mad at him but it ended up just looking amused. 

“Anne...” he started. “I want to ask you something.” He stood and grabbed her hands and pulled her up too. 

“Anne, I love you. I’ve been in love with you since that first day at school where you broke the slate over my head, refusing to talk to me,” Anne laughed and caressed the side of his face where she had hit it. “I loved you when you came to give me those books even though you hated me and didn’t want to-“

“I didn’t hate you-“ she said, suddenly grinning. 

“You did hate me, Anne Shirley Cuthbert, I was a thorn in your side.” She laughed, and he joined in. “And I loved every second of it. Your passion, your temper, it made you beautiful. You’re less quick to anger now but your passion is still there and your loving nature makes you shine like the sun.” 

“Oh Gilbert...” 

“I loved you when I was on that ship and trying to forget that I did. When Bash kept calling those letters we sent between each other love letters, and I said they weren’t but I was describing your fiery temper and wondering if I’d ever see you again.” He played with the ends of her hair. Her eyes softened looking up at him. 

“You wondered if you’d see me again?” 

“I used to look out on the sea and think about you on the shores of the Island, wondering about you,” he said as an answer. He laughed. “Bash called me a moke.” That made Anne laugh. “When I saw you again at school-“

“Oh don’t remind me, my hair was a disaster then-!”

“It was adorable!” He chuckled and intertwined their hands. “Bash kept trying to embarrass me at that dinner we all had together.” 

“I still have that dictionary you gave me that Christmas. I keep it here for safe keeping so I never lose it.” Gilbert wanted so badly to kiss her but his speech wasn’t over yet and he feared he might get too off track if he stopped now. 

“After Mary and Bash’s wedding... I spent that whole year remembering why I couldn’t pretend I wasn’t in love with you. You were around so often, helping out and making them feel more welcome. I fell in love with your accepting nature then too.” He took a big sigh, a dramatic one. “What I didn’t love was you trying to set me up with Ruby all those times-“

“She used to have the biggest crush on you I was trying to be a friend-“

“You gave me false hope with that notice board I was so disappointed and sad!” He teased. “A crumpled disappointed mess you made of me, Queen Anne.” She laughed, loud and heartily. “You seemed like you didn’t care for me the same way, so I tried to move on. But Dashing White Sargent came along... You know I still think of you every time I hear that song? And all of our colossal misunderstandings and each time we missed each other... I couldn’t get you out of my head. No matter my best efforts I couldn’t stop loving you.” He framed her face with his hands and she smiled lovingly at him. He thought he could see heaven in her eyes.

“I couldn’t either...” she whispered. “Diana saw it, Cole saw it, but I fought it. Didn’t turn out very well.” They both laughed. 

Gilbert reached into his pocket and pulled out his mother’s ring. “If the fact that it was on someone else’s hand for a time bothers you, I shall get you a new one, but...” he kept her hands in his and knelt down. She had small tears staining her cheeks. “Anne Shirley Cuthbert, will you marry me?” 

She half choked half laughed before nodding furiously and whispering the sweetest word he’s ever heard. 

“Yes.”

He grinned, and shot up to his feet and kissed her, more passionately than he’d ever dared before, holding her closer to him than they’d ever allowed themselves. She threw her arms around his neck and pressed herself tightly against him like she was never going to let go. 

When she did, she whispered to him, “I would be honoured to wear that ring. It means so much to you, and it means the world to me that you want me to wear it.” 

Gilbert, feeling elated, slid it on her finger before kissing her again. 

“I love you, Gilbert Blythe.” She wiped tears from her eyes. “And I'm so happy you stayed all those years ago after Matthew passed.”

He ran his hands through her braid, releasing the tendrils to watch them blow through the wind. 

“I am too.” He kissed her reverently. “And I love you, too, Anne Shirley Cuthbert Blythe.”

**Author's Note:**

> Much of Anne's thoughts and behaviors surrounding Matthew's death are inspired and based on my own when I lost my grandfather. I had to be reminded to eat, to sleep, and I was constantly confused about my own surroundings. 
> 
> If anyone's curious, the playlist for the story obviously includes Tyler Hilton's version of Stay, You're All Alone by Jon Swihart, Some Streets Lead Nowhere by Matthew Ryan, and When I See You I See Home by Tyler Hilton as well. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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